Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
