I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
