Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize