My friends, they love my intelligence
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
