You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
