My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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