i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
