Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
