So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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