Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
