Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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