sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
