I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
