Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
