Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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