after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
