you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
