He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
