I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
