she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
