alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
In America we eat man semen.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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