I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize