I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
