Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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