My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
