She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
