On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
