I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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