Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
