I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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