sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
