Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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