my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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