so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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