what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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