I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
