Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
