I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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