May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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