Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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