I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
