I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
