I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
