this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
