Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
