Michael Bay diarrhea
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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