it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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