Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
