census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
