I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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