she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize