just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
