Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
