I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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