Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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