i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize