Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
