She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
