Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
