is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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