who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I fill condoms, not promises.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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