I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
