If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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