Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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