Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
