I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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