It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
