what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
