Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We're too hungover to prance.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
